Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra.
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like a retard.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
your friends over and over again that you love them.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think
you can sing.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in
the morning.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without
spitting.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll
over in the morning and see something really scary.
10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most
people.
12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
you are invisible.
13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance
in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to
literally disappear.
