Designated Decoy
By: robnoxious	Published: 04/28/2005
Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Minnesota. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence that the man consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
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If you didn't like that one, try (0 replies) started by thegrandpatron (05.02.2005 10:03:20 AM EST) Harry desperately wanted to become a doctor and had really crammed for his medical boards, so he wasn't in the least fazed by the question: "Name the three advantages of breast milk." Quickly he wrote: 1. It contains the optimum balance of nutrients for the newborn child. 2. As it is contained within the mother's body, it is protected from germs and helps develop the child's immune system. Then Harry was stumped. Sitting back and racking his brain until he'd broken into a sweat, he finally scribbled: 3. It comes in such nice containers.

Joke for 5 / 2 / 05 (0 replies) started by thegrandpatron (05.02.2005 10:00:14 AM EST) While nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her. "Say, honey-baby ... I'd really like t'get into those pants o'yours." "Thanks," she shot back, "but I've already got an asshole in there."

Joke for 5-1-05 (0 replies) started by thecritic (05.01.2005 7:39:48 PM EST) Cold Water Clean Dishes John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!" For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!" Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car". Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ... "COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

Here a joke I heard yesterday (0 replies) started by thegrandpatron (04.30.2005 7:58:45 AM EST) the names were changed to protect the innocent. Harry was talking to Critic about his recent vacation in San Francisco. Harry said, “Critique I went into a bar out there and I think everybody in that bar was gay”. “Everybody?” axed critic. “I think so” Harry said. “Hell, I even think that guy I was dancing with was gay”. Waaaaa hahahahahahahaha That's the best new joke I've heard in a while.

Joke for 4-30-05 (2 replies) started by thecritic (04.30.2005 1:06:40 AM EST) The Man Who Wasn't Elected Pope This is a sad story... (read it - it's worth it!) Archbishop Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in the Hague. As a young man, he aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the army during WWII. He spent two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot until, in 1943, his aircraft was shot down and he lost his left arm. Still enscripted, Hans spent the remainder of the war as a chaplain's assistant, giving spiritual advice and helping with last rights to dying soldiers, allied and enemy. He was renowned for his ecumenical tenderness and compassion. After the war, Grapje became a priest and served as a missionary throughout Africa. In spite of his handicap, he was noted for piloting his own bush plane into the deepest, most primitive villages to spread the church's message and charity to the impoverished. In 1997, then Archbishop Grapje was serving at an outpost in Zimbabwe, when an explosion in one of the country's vast silver mines caused a catastrophic cave-in. The archbishop, in spite of his seniority, went down into several of the shafts to administer last rights to those who would never escape. He was in one of these shafts when it partially caved in, trapping him and several rescuers. Although he was rescued three days later, he suffered several painful injuries, including one that cost him his right eye. Additionally, the silver content in the shaft's air supply had poisoned him, causing his skin to take an indigo hue - a condition known as conjunctiva - that persists to this day. Although the Cardinal has devoted, and indeed risked, his life in the service of God for nearly 70 years, as a scholar, a mentor, and the epitome of a holy man, church politics preclude his ascension to the Papacy. Church leaders have made it clear they didn't want a one-eyed, one armed, flying, purple, Papal leader.

This is a good joke (1 reply) started by thegrandpatron (04.29.2005 6:51:04 AM EST) not a new one of course, but a good one. Hey Critic, I was just filling in until they posted a new joke.

Hey Patron (0 replies) started by thecritic (04.29.2005 0:35:13 AM EST) It's your turn. You didn't think I was gonna steal ALL your thunder, did you? Now give us a joke

That's a Good One, Rob! (0 replies) started by j9nh (04.28.2005 6:12:37 PM EST) I didn't realize that DD has two meanings! Thanks!

LMAO (0 replies)   started by thecritic (04.28.2005 2:55:53 PM EST) Hadn't heard that one Rob ^5

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