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Assorted Goofiness
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George W. Bush |
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"This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of...You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for...We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of this, too: I'm certain to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low."-Albuquerque, N.M., the Washington Post, May 31, 2000
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Random Quote |
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
— J. Danforth Quayle
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Snapple Facts |
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#89 The average American walks 18,000 steps a day.
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Yo Mama ... |
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is so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
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One Liners |
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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
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 Bite My Eye | | By: JSkills | Published: 12/16/1998 | | |  |
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A guy walks into a bar and straight up to the bartender and says, "I bet you $20 that I can bite my eye".
The bartender thinks about it for a second and says "sure".
The man reaches up and takes out his
glass eye, puts it in his mouth, and bites it. Amused, the bartender hands over the $20.
A few minutes later the man motions to the bartender and says to him, "I bet you $20 I can bite
my other eye
".
Now at this point the bartender is thinking that this guy can't pull the same trick, he is obviously not blind, so he agrees. The man pulls out his set of false teeth, puts them up to his other eye, and bites it. More amused, the barteder hands over the $20.
The man then says "Ok, I
have one more for you. I bet you $100 that you can slide a shot glass down your bar and I'll stand here and piss in it without spilling a single drop!".
The bartender thinks to himself "no way in hell he can do that" and agrees "Ok".
He slides the shot glass down the bar, the man begins pissing. It goes everywhere, all over the bar, the mirror, the seats, you name it - everywhere but the shotglass.
The man hands over the $100. The bartender, wiping down the bar, now smiling over his
victory says "your other two bets were brilliant, why did you make this last one?"
The mans replies, "well I just bet my buddy over $1000 there I could piss all over your bar and you'd clean it up with a smile on your face."
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Goofball Facts |
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If a man's tie is too tight, his vision gets worse!
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