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Assorted Goofiness
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George W. Bush |
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"This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of...You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for...We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of this, too: I'm certain to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low."-Albuquerque, N.M., the Washington Post, May 31, 2000
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Random Quote |
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"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
— Vice President Dan Quayle
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Snapple Facts |
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#89 The average American walks 18,000 steps a day.
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Yo Mama ... |
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is so stupid that she is sold the car for gas money.
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One Liners |
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Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
A: Her navel.
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 5 Stages of drunkenness | | By: JimmyfromQueens | Published: 01/01/2000 | | |  |
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- Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
- Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
- Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
- Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
- Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
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More Bar Jokes...
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| Title: |
IT MIGHT BE TRUE |
| By: |
donut38
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| Date: |
01.01.2001 12:20 AM EST |
BUT I USUALLY STOP AFTER STAGE TWO BECAUSE I AM SO DAMN IRRESISTABLE OR SO I`VE BEEN TOLD
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Casino Joke |
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I know this crazy guy who just won't play at a casino. He just pretends to play in his head. Last week he lost his mind!
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Goofball Facts |
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College students drink an estimated 4 billion cans of beer annually.
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