Talented Octopus
By: Seaweedy	Published: 05/14/2005
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that his octopus can play any musical instrument in the world. Everybody laughs and calls him an idiot, so he says that he will bet $50 that nobody has an instrument that the octopus can't play. A guy walks up with a guitar and the octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. So the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then puts them down with a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it hell, I'm going to screw it, just as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off." Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
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Wednesday's personalized joke (1 reply) started by thegrandpatron (05.18.2005 9:44:37 AM EST) At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. No woman, said Roger, scornfully, can keep a secret. I dont know about that, answered Messha. I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one. Youll let it out some day, Roger insisted. I hardly think so responded Meesha. When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.

The joke for 5 / 18 / 05 (2 replies) started by thegrandpatron (05.18.2005 9:39:41 AM EST) Ironic Celebrity Deaths Ellen DeGeneres - Suffocates in the closet Susan Lucci - Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy Jenny McCarthy - Struck by a random thought Frank Sinatra - Killed by Stranglers in the Night RuPaul - Prostate cancer O.J. Simpson - Murdered by the "real killer" in an apparent suicide Madonna - Exposure Unabomber - Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage" Al Gore - Dutch Elm Disease Bill Gates - Falls out of a Window

LOL (1 reply) started by meesha (05.17.2005 11:02:50 AM EST) Nice jokes, GP. ;-) The Big Balls Club- Members include: Meesha, Sleepwalker, Ladybug, Abby...

A joke for 5 / 17 / 05 (0 replies) started by thegrandpatron (05.17.2005 8:59:15 AM EST) Abby was driving through West Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and she had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly, her car started to cough and sputter and the engine slowly died away, leaving her sitting by the road in total silence. She popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that she could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, she had a limited knowledge of cars, so all she could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent. As she peered by the gradually fading light of her flashlight, she cursed that she had not put in new batteries, like she had promised. Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump." Abby jumped up quickly, striking her head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" she demanded. There were two horses standing in the field alongside and Abby was amazed when the nearest of the two horses ! repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again." sure enough, the engine roared into life. She muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. When she reached the next town, she ran into the local bar. "Large whiskey, please!" she said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked at Abby's face and asked, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!" "It's unbelievable," Abby said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher. The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful, "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?" Abby replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?" "No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know shit about cars!"

Ask Dr. Monk Bubble (0 replies) started by thegrandpatron (05.15.2005 9:01:12 AM EST) "Advice For Young Girlfriends" Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex? A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact. Q: Should I have sex on the first date? A: YES. Before if possible. Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex? A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway. Q: How long should the sex act last? A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready. Q: What is "afterplay"? A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift. Q: Does the size of the penis matter? A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift. Q: What about the female orgasm? A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.

LOL (0 replies)   started by sleepwalker2000 (05.14.2005 9:16:04 PM EST) Thanks for the joke 'Weedy. *SW2K*

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