SICKDAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as
proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor,
you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You should
not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.
VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same
time every year. The vacation days are as follows:
Jan. 1, July 4, & Dec. 25
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is
nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees
attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early, provided your
share of the work is done enough.
OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we
require at least two weeks notice, as it is your
duty to train your own replacement.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going
in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees
whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20,
employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from
8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your
allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until
the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme
emergencies employees
may swap their time with a coworker. Both
employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit
in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the
stall door will open.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to
eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance
meal to maintain thee average figure. Fat people get 5
minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according
to your salary, if we see you wearing expensive shoes
& carrying a pricey bag we assume you are doing
well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations
insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be
directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.
The Management
