"The goals for this country are peace in the world. And the goals for this country are a compassionate American for every single citizen. That compassion is found in the hearts and souls of the American citizens."Source: Federal Document Clearing House, "President Visits D.C. Food Bank," Dec. 19, 2002
"AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, 'The check's in the mail', people are going to say, 'Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote.' " Jay Leno, Comedian
#223 The Basenji is the only type of dog that does not bark.
Yo Mama ...
so ugly they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders!!
Q: What do tofu and dildos have in common? A: They're both meat substitutes.
The ousted CEO of a company decided to help out the incoming CEO. "I've left two envelopes in the safe," the departing CEO said. "When you encounter a crisis you can't handle, open the first envelope. If you run into more trouble, open the second one."
A few months later a crisis hit. The new CEO opened the safe and took out envelope marked 1. Inside a note that read, "Blame me." It worked like a charm. A few months later the company's stock plummeted. The CEO took out the secone envelope. This note said "Prepare two envelopes."
I know GP and I tease a lot about having already heard some of these but without your support we'd be reading the same ones over and over and over....
This one was funny...
Just protecting my sheep
(02.11.2003 9:48:40 PM EST)
This is so true.
(02.11.2003 2:41:07 PM EST)
are not the only ones that thrive on this system of accountability. Presidents love it, too!
(02.11.2003 4:11:48 AM EST)
I guess if CEO #1's ideas were so good he wouldn't have been ousted in the first place.
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Welfare Check A guy walks into the local welfare office to pick up his
check. He marches straight up to the counter and
says, "Hi. You know.... I just
HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job"...
There are four Commonwealths in the United States: Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Kentucky and Virginia -- the rest are states.