"I think we're making progress. We understand where the power of this country lay. It lays in the hearts and souls of Americans. It must lay in our pocketbooks. It lays in the willingness for people to work hard. But as importantly, it lays in the fact that we've got citizens from all walks of life, all political parties, that are willing to say, I want to love my neighbor. I want to make somebody's life just a little bit better." -George W. Bush, April 11, 2001
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne
#10 Mosquitos are attracted to people who just ate bananas.
Yo Mama ...
... is so fat, People jog around her for exercise.
Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"
mine should say:
He's sure to go to Heaven,
cause he's already served his time in Hell.
(06.19.2003 0:42:57 AM EST)
the card at the funeral could have read, "I'm sorry I fucked your sister."
Damn right TJ... Ole Yeller lives on.
(06.19.2003 0:29:33 AM EST)
At least the note at the funeral didn't say, "Thanks for last night".
LOL! Good `un, MC. And it was short enough to keep Ole Yeller alive. ;^)
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Welfare Check A guy walks into the local welfare office to pick up his
check. He marches straight up to the counter and
says, "Hi. You know.... I just
HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job"...