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George W. Bush
 
  • "I had the opportunity to go out to Goree Island and talk about what slavery meant to America. It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom, helped change America. America is what it is today because of what went on in the past." —Bush, commenting on the significance of slavery in America's past Source: White House, "Remarks by the President to Embassy Personnel, Leopold Sedar Senghor International Airport, Dakar, Senegal," July 8, 2003
  •  
     

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    "I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats onthem. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles."
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    #213 The largest ball of twine in the US weighs over 17,000 pounds.
     
     

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    Three Corporate Lessons

    By: Mike BreivogelPublished: 06/09/2000
     
    Save article to file cabinet Send to a Friend Print this out

    Lesson Number One:

    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered, "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

    Moral of the story is:

    To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

    Lesson Number Two:

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    Moral of the story:

    Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

    Lesson Number Three:

    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung as actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

    The morals of this story are:

    1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
    2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
    3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

    Summary:

    An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply just idling . . .
    The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
    The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    i used to be jon-jon but... (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (06.16.2000 3:23:16 PM EST)

    someone already stole my goddam login name. Anyway, I have to agree, it's been a LONG time since I read anything this good on this site. Thanks, Mike.

    great corporate joke (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (06.15.2000 1:46:08 PM EST)

    thanks, mike. that's great corporate humor.

    fuck fuck fuck fuck (0 replies)
    started by HairyJew
    (06.11.2000 2:47:08 AM EST)

    holy shit- i think i just read something i liked. thats got to be a goddamn first on this website.

    this registration shit to look at goofball is total fucking bullshit. goofball kicked ass the way it was before and now it sucks total fucking dick. fuck you goofball. fuck you in your nigger ass. jabroni.

    Addendum to summary: (0 replies)
    started by OliverClozoff
    (06.10.2000 0:07:51 AM EST)

    Always remember, shit goes downhill.

    ;o)

    that kicked ass!!!! (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (06.09.2000 9:17:57 PM EST)

    that was the best thing i have read on the site.

    it's Julien, look at this!!! (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (06.09.2000 7:54:26 PM EST)

    check this out, it's funny.

    Those were decent.. (0 replies)
    started by SuicideKing
    (06.09.2000 12:50:46 PM EST)

    I like the summary at the end..lol

    Interesting (0 replies)  
    started by beska
    (06.09.2000 12:47:27 PM EST)

    Not a bad set of jokes.

    Goofball.com is not responsible for any content which individual users post. Goofball.com reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.


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