For some time many of us have wondered just who is
Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You
don't know Jack Schitt!"
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now
respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt,
the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner
of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In
turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply
religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt,
Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins
Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married
Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt
divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because
her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her
previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt
Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they
produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named
Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva
Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and
subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual
ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and
Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the
world. He recently returned from Italy with his new
Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt",
you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
~SweetiePeach~
