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Well, alrighty then
(0 replies)
started by
thecritic
(03.01.2004 2:31:11 PM EST)
A beer can fancier is called a 'canologist'. - so is an asshole fancier.
Flamingos can only eat with their heads upside down. - and they shit straight up in the air.
The worst day for car accidents is Saturday! - any day is a bad day for an accident.
A year on the planet Jupiter is 12 times longer than a year on Earth! - oh God, think of being married.
55% of the world's milk drinkers drink goat's milk! - the other 45% graduated in the top of their class.
Actor Sean Connery was once Scotland's 'Mr. Universe'! - How do you have a Mr. Universe in Scotland?
The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long! - Her fu*k finger is nine feet.
Pierre Michelin, inventor of super-safe Michelin Tires, died in a car accident. - His Firestone tires blew out on I-95.
In 1845 Boston had an ordinance banning bathing unless you had a doctor's prescription! - Here, let me write you a prescription for that awful smell.
Most avalanches travel downhill at a rate of 22 m.p.h. - uphill however, it's a mite slower.
The White House was known as the White House even before it was painted white! - So why waste the paint?
Polar bears can smell a human from 20 miles away. - On a related story it's rumored that eskimoes enjoy garlic 3 times a day.
Children have more tastebuds than adults do! - Yeah, and if mom hadn't burnt the food so much, I'd still have them.
Only about 5% of people dream in color! - So they painted the white house white.
If a man's tie is too tight, his vision gets worse! - He should try a different size.
Every 7 years, your body grows the equivalent of a new skeleton! - So that's why my closet is so full.
In 1955, a book was returned to the Cambridge University library that was 288 years overdue! - Mrs Goodbody shot the culprit and is now awaiting trial.
Most of the villains in the Bible have red hair. - Does the carpet match the drapes?
Most engaged couples who break up do so between 9 p.m. and midnight. - That's because most engaged couples only meet during those times. A no brainer there.
Cows give more milk when they listen to music! - Oh Yeah, pipe in Achy Breaky Heart and see what happens.
At room temperature, the average air molecule travels at the speed of a rifle bullet! - No matter how cold it is, it's still room temperature... according to Stephen Wright.
FBI director J. Edgar Hoover kept a collection of pornography locked in his desk! - When confronted about it, he said he only read the articles.
During his or her lifetime, the average human will grow 590 miles of hair. - Except for TJ.
Most burglaries occur in the winter! - Who wants to rob a place when the beach is open.
There isn't any sand in sandpaper! - there isn't any ham in hamburgers either.
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