If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly
By: irelands	Published: 01/14/2001
Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
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LMAO @ (0 replies) started by roger (02.21.2002 6:31:00 PM EST) screen door in a hurricane. Just protecting my sheep

Hahahaha! (0 replies) started by sweetiepeach (09.28.2001 3:39:39 AM EST) Damn, I can't believe I missed these...LOL! ~SweetiePeach~   ~*God Bless America*~

about santa (0 replies) started by thefig1974 (05.25.2001 8:12:43 PM EST) i always knew santa was mean ... lol ....... have fun xofig hello every1 my name is fig .... how r u ??? if u want to say hello then feel free to .... ty fig

dear santa (0 replies) started by del2001 (05.15.2001 8:16:12 AM EST) can i have a radio remote control car for christmas have been a good boy? No you fucking glue sniffer who bums christmas tree and tryed to shag me rainder you fucking nobhead del boy2001

Here is My letter... (0 replies) started by AriesBabe (03.29.2001 5:14:28 PM EST) Dear Santa, It must be exausting doing all the shit you do. Would you be in need of a little ASSistance? I'll be wiling to help. Love&Kisses Ariel Dear Ariel, Yes, I could use some help. Cum to Alaska in a minishirt and We'll talk. The egg in your nog, Santa If you don't like it... Then don't lick it

Dear Santa, (0 replies) started by duck888 (01.16.2001 12:18:11 PM EST) Dear Santa, Do you really know when we're sleeping? Do you really when we're awake? You know, like the song. Love, Jennifer Dear Jennifer, Were you awake when I stuck my cock in your mouth last Christmas Eve. Sorry, my bad! I try to make sure asleep next time. Sweet Dreams, Santa

Another classic LETTER FROM SANTA (0 replies) started by duck888 (01.16.2001 12:08:26 PM EST) MY LETTER Dear Santa, I have been a good boy this year! I have never asked you for much. However, can I have a Heisman Trophy. I really worked hard at football in college. I captured a couple of school records during my career. Please do this for me. I will never ask you for anything. From, O. Jame Simpson Dear OJ, Give me back my son and I'll give your Heisman Trophy back, you bastard! Yah, you're a good boy. You weren't good boy, during the night when you stabbed my son. Second of all, my name isn't Santa. From, Mr. Goldman

That.... (0 replies) started by stnrken (01.14.2001 4:06:41 AM EST) was some of the funniest shit I've ever read. Life's a bitch, then you die and burn in hell with the rest of us. So shut the fuck up and deal with it.

WELL AFTER (0 replies)   started by donut38 (01.14.2001 0:05:37 AM EST) 3OO HUNDRED YEARS OF LITTLE KIDS WHINING I THINK HE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE A LITTLE CROTCHETY HAS ANYBODY EVER WONDERED WHAT SANTA WOULD LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS PROBABLY THE DAY OFF

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