As if guys need to be told this
You can kill your own food
Phone conversations last only 30 seconds
You know lots of useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
You can open all your own jars
Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight
When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on
every shot of someone crying
You can go to the bathroom alone
Your last name stays put
You can leave a hotel room bed unmade
The garage is all yours
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
Wedding plans take care of themselves
If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can
still be your friend
Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3
None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry
You don't have to shave below your neck
You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every
night
If you're 34 and single, no one notices
Chocolate is just another snack
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
Flowers and/or Duct Tape fix everything
You never have to worry about anyone else's feelings
Three pair of shoes are more than enough
You can say anything and not worry about what people think
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
Car mechanics tell you the truth
You don't care if someone doesn't notice your new haircut
You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy
thinking "He must be mad at me"
One mood, all the time, 24/7
You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve
yourself to look like him
Gray hair and wrinkles add character
Wedding dress $2,000 -- Tux rental $85 bucks
You don't care if someone is talking behind your back
You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone
else's
The remote is yours and yours alone
You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to
the bathroom
If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he
won't tell your friends that you've "changed"
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you
might become lifelong buddies
The occasional well-rendered belch is expected
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a
hammer and throw it across the room
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog
is funny
If you retain water, it is in a canteen
Flushing the toilet is optional
