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Assorted Goofiness
College Humor
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George W. Bush |
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"I'm a uniter not a divider. That means when it comes time to sew up your chest cavity, we use stitches as opposed to opening it up." -- Bush, on David Letterman, March 2, 2000. (the audience booed)
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Random Quote |
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"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
— Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
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Snapple Facts |
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#141 The square dance is the official dance of the state of Washington.
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Yo Mama ... |
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is so nasty she has two pussys and they both stink.
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One Liners |
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Q: Why is the Vandy football team like a possum?
A: Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.
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Quick Joke |
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Don't you feel like
sitting alone in your home, destroying your belongings while at the same time slowly losing all your household money? Try poker online
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 A Sweet Story | | By: bd2son | Published: 09/15/2006 | | |  |
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A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER! GOT IT, JACKASS?"
and...they lived happily ever after.
Isn't that a sweet story? --Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com? | | | | Related Links
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Catherine Bach, Young And Sweet
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| Section Features
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| One Year Ago
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| Two Years Ago
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KNICKERLESS GIRLS
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as ...
02.28.2008
Found It
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the misses felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
02.13.2008
Deep Thoughts While Fishing
Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing ...
02.12.2008
New Department Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
02.11.2008
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| Lookie Here!
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Casino Joke |
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I know this crazy guy who just won't play at a casino. He just pretends to play in his head. Last week he lost his mind!
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Goofball Facts |
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Elephants only sleep two hours a day.
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