"One of the interesting initiatives we've taken in Washington, D.C., is we've got these vampire-busting devices. A vampire is a - a cell deal you can plug in the wall to charge your cell phone." - Denver, CO. Aug. 14, 2001
Random Quote
"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine." — David Moulton
Snapple Facts
#120 The only continent without native reptiles or snakes is Antarctica.
Yo Mama ...
is so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
One Liners
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Games for the Elderly / Signs of Menopause / Old is When
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN :
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
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