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Handy Guide To Decipher Personals Ads

By: thegrandpatronPublished: 07/28/2002
 
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WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish.............. 49
Adventurer.......... Slept with all your friends
Athletic............ No tits
Average looking..... Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful........... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.... Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated............ Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.. Medicated
Feminist............ Fat ballbuster
Free spirit......... Junkie
Friendship first.... Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun................. Annoying
Gentle.............. Comatose
Good Listener........Borderline Autistic
New-Age............. All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned....... Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded......... Desperate
Outgoing............ Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.......... Sloppy drunk
Poet................ Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional........ Certified Bitch
Redhead............. Bad dye-job
Reubenesque......... Grossly Fat
Romantic............ Looks better by candle light
Social.............. Has been passed around like an hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous.......... Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height... Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate...... Stalker
Widow............... Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart...... Old bat

MEN'S ADS
40-ish.............. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic............ Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking..... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated............ Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit......... Banging your sister
Friendship first.... As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun................. Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking........ Arrogant
Very good looking... Dumb as a board
Honest.............. Pathological Liar
Huggable............ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle..... Insecure mama's boy
Mature.............. Older than your father
Open-minded......... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit...... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet................ Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive........... Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive...... Gay
Spiritual........... Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable.............. Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful.......... Says "Excuse me" when he farts

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    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    Funny shit man.... (0 replies)
    started by acidinterval
    (07.29.2002 2:13:13 AM EST)

    way to go GP!!

    If you can't break the ice, trying to start a conversation... Drownd it

    Yeah.... (0 replies)
    started by tjshere
    (07.28.2002 11:48:12 AM EST)

    These sound about right. LMAO @ how many of them indicate fatdom.

    Check out that tongue action!
    Never fear.....TJ's here!

    All I know is (0 replies)
    started by marvin
    (07.28.2002 4:44:55 AM EST)

    pesonal ads aren't written in English .... NS GSOH ?

    let's not forget (0 replies)  
    started by arealladiesman
    (07.28.2002 1:51:42 AM EST)

    seeking long term relationship- feels guilty for something done in the past and wishes to punish himself for the rest of his life!

    If you don't stand for something, you'll fall to ANYTHING!

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