It's Great To Be a Man
By: SlickWillyJr.	Published: 04/26/1999
01) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 02) Movie nudity is virtually always female. 03) A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase. 04) Monday Night Football. 05) You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. 06) Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 07) Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight. 08) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. 09) When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying. 10) All your orgasms are real. 11) Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards). 12) You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. 13) You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 14) Your last name stays put. 15) You can leave the hotel bed unmade. 16) When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. 17) You can kill your own food. 18) The garage is all yours. 19) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 20) Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow. 21) You never have to clean a toilet. 22) You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. 23) Sex means never worrying about your reputation. 24) Wedding plans take care of themselves. 25) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 26) Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 27) You don't have to shave below your neck. 28) None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry. 29) You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night. 30) If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices. 31) You can write your name in the snow. 32) You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. 33) Everything on your face gets to stay its original color. 34) Chocolate is just another snack. 35) You can be president. 36) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 37) Flowers fix everything. 38) You never have to worry about other people's feelings. 39) You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. 40) You can wear a white shirt to a water park. 41) Three pairs of shoes is more than enough. 42) Foreplay is optional. 43) Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. 44) Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room. 45) You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. 46) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by. 47) You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. 48) Car mechanics tell you the truth. 49) You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut. 50) You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me." 51) The world is your urinal. 52) You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you. 53) Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 54) One mood, all the time. 55) You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 56) You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy. 57) you know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. 58) You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing. 59) Same work...more pay! 60) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. 61) You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 62) Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75. 63) You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back. 64) With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. 65) The remote control is yours and yours alone. 66) People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 67) ESPN's SportsCenter. 68) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 69) Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers. 70) You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. 71) You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 72) You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom. 73) If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed. 74) Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 75) You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "Screw it." 76) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies. 77) Princess Di's death was just another obituary. 78) You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood. 79) You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. 80) If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room. 81) New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet. 82) Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. 83) You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. 84) Not liking a person won't stop you from having great sex with them. 85) Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" 86) Baywatch 87) There's always a game on somewhere. Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
Related Links Women Speak in Estrogen and Men Listen in Testosterone Women Say Men are like... New two-year degree for men Men are like... To All Men Traveling the Airways WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN Things Men want Women to know Why Men Stand and Pee Men are from Mars? Advice From Men to Women Looking For a Few Good Men -- in Prison Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day: Why men should always listen to the instructions of a woman White Men Can Jump Three men and a sheep Grumpy Old Men Mastercard Commercial for Men 3 Blonde men 3 Blonde men Studies Show Gazing At Breasts Makes Men Healthier
More Men / Women Jokes...
Search   Advanced Search   This Section

ARTICLE FORUM LIST
You must register to participate in this discussion.

87 reasons y it is good to be a man well about 80 (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (05.06.2001 12:58:36 PM EST) r

Chauvanism (0 replies) started by slytazjc (04.29.2001 3:06:51 AM EST) Some of those things may be true, but not all. Men are different, and as a matter of fact, i enjoy sports as much as any guy. Being female is not a curse, it's just harder. Things are plain and simple for men because that is all they can handle... whoops, did I let out my female bitchyness! TO the men who like this long and non-commical joke... BITE ME (_|_)

Geez (0 replies) started by bajagirl (02.25.2001 8:21:30 PM EST) To many lines,true, but not all TY'S*LADY♥

sending pages (1 reply) started by rosepetal766 (02.05.2001 2:49:24 PM EST) having trouble can't send won't let me

hehehe, (0 replies) started by phreaky (01.09.2001 7:44:51 PM EST) thats about right...

Men (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (12.05.2000 8:18:26 PM EST) What do you thuink of this one Lill.

OMG... (0 replies) started by gurly (11.13.2000 6:35:51 PM EST) Way too long........how many lines ..boring, some are true but not all.hahhaa     ~gurly~

ha ha (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (11.12.2000 9:01:34 AM EST) i'm a guy and this shit is all true and the funniest shit on the net. for real. you guys fuckin rock!

fat men (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (09.22.2000 5:04:17 PM EST) fat men are nothing but a tub of lard and they cant do nothi'n

just for the men in my life (0 replies) started by Anonymous Goofball (08.24.2000 2:18:37 PM EST) check this out testostorine boys

cool shit thats certainly real.....hee hee (0 replies) started by Wilk18 (08.08.2000 11:44:22 PM EST) whaaassssuuuuuppppp......man.. place FUCKING SUCKS.....seriously. love...the master of disaster..KP KP Wilkerson

there is no worry (0 replies) started by xcytible1 (08.04.2000 4:04:29 PM EST) if im good enough to please myself, so be it. better to have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

worry? (0 replies) started by pmp667 (06.07.2000 1:50:08 AM EST) i don't see anything to worry about. if i get mine and you fake yours then your the dumb one.

A word from the ladies (0 replies)   started by Anonymous Goofball (06.06.2000 11:07:01 AM EST) So it's good to be a man, but at least we don't have to worry if we were good. (Our orgasims may not be real, but yours certinly are)

Goofball.com is not responsible for any content which individual users post. Goofball.com reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.