Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge
after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch,
cleaned and
filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger
side floor.
He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you
know, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to the
side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "D'you know how
fast you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 60?"
"67 mph, son! 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer"
replied Bob, "Why did you
ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, in his normal
sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket
and a fine!" The cop took a good close look at Bob, in his
stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you
have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire
life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good well-paying
job!"
The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish
catch,
said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum
stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be
stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple
of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then
two. Then I slowly pull them
farther and farther apart until
it's a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind,
asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"
Bob nonchalantly answered, "You give it a radar gun and stick
it at the end of a bridge."
