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"It's important for [the United Nations'] words to mean what they say, andas we head into the 21st century, Mark, when it comes to our security, wereally don't need anybody's permission."—Bush, during a press conference in 2003 (in the 21st century) Source: Federal Document Clearing House, "President George Bush Discusses Iraq inNational Press Conference," March 6, 2003
 
 

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The Original Hollywood Squares

By: thegrandpatronPublished: 01/30/2002
 
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Some of you are too young to put a face to these original comedians of Hollywood Squares and truly understand their humor, but the jokes are really funny anyway.

Here are some from the original game show:

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

Peter Marshall: What are "Do It," "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way...

Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies... but I don't recommend the cookies!

Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him I guess.

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband's clothing. What item?
Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind...

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Peter Marshall: Can boys join the camp fire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

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    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    Some of us (0 replies)
    started by marvin
    (01.30.2002 2:15:34 PM EST)

    are fortunate enough not to have to watch American TV !

    Actually there was a British version of this show, Bob Monkhouse was the original host and strangely Rose Marie was a frequent guest. Yep the suppposed ad-libs were great at times ;-)

    Good post GP 5^'s

    Kiss my Ass !

    These are great! (0 replies)
    started by kweenbee
    (01.30.2002 1:19:09 PM EST)

    I remember a good many of them Thanks for sharing guy. ^5

    Love the country, live to pee outside!

    I know... (0 replies)
    started by thegrandpatron
    (01.30.2002 9:10:49 AM EST)


    This has been on this iste before.
    But how many times have you Nerdie Geekie Fuckers seen Star Wars? So don't even lay that lame shit on me!
    Just read it and enjoy!

    LMAO!! (0 replies)  
    started by tjshere
    (01.30.2002 4:15:46 AM EST)

    These are great. I used to love that show. Paul Lynde & Charlie Weaver were hilarious!

    Good job, Patron. Are you the permanent joke guy now? ;^)

    Check out that tongue action!
    Never fear.....TJ's here!

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