Pet Diaries
By: jimmyfromqueens	Published: 08/19/2002
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY Day 180 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! Day 181 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! Day 182 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 1:30 pm - OOOOOOOH. BATH. BUMMER! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY DAY 183 My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 184 Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed. DAY 185 Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was .... Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 186 I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 187 There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 188 I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
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Thread comment award goes to: (0 replies) started by roger (08.29.2003 1:48:30 AM EST) thegrandpatron for once again telling us this: I've already heard it before, but still a good one. This from a guy who just re-submitted his own damn joke. Makes you wonder if he's really heard these before... I mean if he can't remember his own.. Keep those comments coming folks, you too could be a weener!!

i'm surprised he doesn't have a problem (0 replies) started by arealladiesman (08.19.2002 7:56:15 AM EST) with not being the only "pussy" in the house hahahahahaha i kill me If you don't stand for something, you'll fall to ANYTHING!

I've had both pets (0 replies) started by thegrandpatron (08.19.2002 7:30:46 AM EST) This is all true. Good One, I've already heard it before, but still a good one.

WOW! (0 replies) started by marvin (08.19.2002 2:54:40 AM EST) Pets that can write ! LMAO

Hahaha, pretty good (0 replies)   started by tjshere (08.19.2002 2:00:32 AM EST) But I think it's about time we start executing these evil prisoners of war. Never fear.....TJ's here!

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