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"We're expediting the administrative appeals process, so that disputes over projects are resolved quickly. In other words, not everybody agrees with thinning, there will objections. But we want those objections to be heard, of course—every citizen needs to hear a voice." —Bush, hearing voices in Summerhaven, Ariz. Source: The White House, "President Bush Promotes Healthy Forests in Arizona," Aug. 11, 2003
 
 

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Bear Removers

By: thegrandpatronPublished: 10/21/2006
 
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A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

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    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    If I was the Animal Control officer, (0 replies)  
    started by tjshere
    (10.21.2006 12:29:38 PM EST)


    I'd make it clear that if you miss the dog when you shoot, please feel free to put me out of my misery!

    my schween is small but my tongue is mighty!

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