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George W. Bush
 
"This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of...You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for...We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of this, too: I'm certain to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low."-Albuquerque, N.M., the Washington Post, May 31, 2000
 
 

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
— J. Danforth Quayle
 
 

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#89 The average American walks 18,000 steps a day.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
is so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
 
 

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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
 
 

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Don't you feel like sitting alone in your home, destroying your belongings while at the same time slowly losing all your household money? Try poker online
 
 


Inventing A Woman

By: luvly1Published: 10/05/2005
 
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Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven.

At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention... the Assembly line for the automobile... changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want." Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God.

Ford asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?"

God asks, "What do you mean?"

"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. Every 28 days it leaks fluid and is rendered out of service.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.

"Hummmm," replies God, "hold on a minute."

God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time, the computer prints out a report and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, "You're 100% correct, my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."

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    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    LMAO 2 (0 replies)
    started by sleepwalker2000
    (10.05.2005 8:39:00 PM EST)


    I'm speechless also but I would like to know what a neaderthal is.

    HEY...??? *SW2K*

    LMAO! (0 replies)
    started by tjshere
    (10.05.2005 4:26:58 PM EST)


    I'm speechless.

    my schween is small but my tongue is mighty!

    A little dusty, (0 replies)
    started by ajk454
    (10.05.2005 11:30:24 AM EST)

    but still relevant! I keep on forgetting the punchline anyway.

    There were computers... (0 replies)
    started by luvly1
    (10.05.2005 2:13:18 AM EST)

    when "Easy Rider" came out?

    Well... at least if this is a revised thing... those younger than us neaderthals can read it for the first time & know it as a classic.

    Easy Rider (0 replies)  
    started by roger
    (10.05.2005 0:52:08 AM EST)


    *Whooooosh*


    That's the sound of me blowing the dust off this joke.

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