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George W. Bush
 
"But here in Texas we took [trial lawyers] on and got some good medical—medical malpractice, which evidently had a few loopholes in it." Source: PR Newswire, "Remarks by the President at the Economic Forum Health Care Security Session," Aug. 13, 2002
 
 

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"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it'sgoing to be up all night."
— Steven Wright, Comedian
 
 

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#202 The mouth of the Statue of Liberty is three feet wide.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
so ugly she could scare a dog off a meat truck.
 
 

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Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
 
 


Quantas Airlines

By: luvly1Published: 01/30/2008
 
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After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

1. P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

2. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

3. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

4. P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

5. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

6. P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

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