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George W. Bush
"I want it to be said that the Bush administration was a results-oriented administration, because I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be - a literate country and a hopefuller country." - Washington, D.C., Jan. 11, 2001

Random Quote
"The last thing you want is for someone to commit suicide before executing them."
— Gary Deland, former Utah director for corrections

Snapple Facts
#72 The average person uses 150 gallons of water per day for personal use.

Yo Mama ...
is so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

One Liners
Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Car Wreck

By: RobnoxiousPublished: 12/06/1998
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A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.

"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

"Well, did you see this?"

"Yes," motioned the monkey.

"What happened?"

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

"They were drinking?" asked the officer.


"What else?"

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

"They were smoking marijuana?"


"What else?"

The monkey motioned "Screwing."

"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.


"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked."


"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving" motioned the monkey.

Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of

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    Goofball Facts
    Andrew Jackson's pet parrot had to be removed from Jackson's funeral in 1845 because it kept shouting obscenities at the mourners.