Subject: Clinton
The year: 2031
President Clinton finishes his time on earth
and approaches the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the
President of the United States
and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh... Mr. President! What may I do for
you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first you have
to confess your sins. What bad
things have you done in your life?"
Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I
tried marijuana, but you can't call it 'dope
smoking' because I didn't inhale. There
were inappropriate extramarital relationships,
but you can't call it 'adultery' because I didn't
have full 'sexual relations.' And I made some
statements that were misleading, but legally
accurate, but you can't call it 'bearing false
witness' because, as far as I know, it
didn't meet the legal standard of perjury."
With that St. Peter consults the Book of
Life briefly, and declares, "OK, here's the
deal. We'll send you somewhere hot,
but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there
indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And
when you enter, you don't have to "abandon
all hope," just don't hold your breath waiting
for it to freeze over."
