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George W. Bush
"There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me."-On the coming Social Security crisis; Wilton, Conn.; June 9, 2000

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"I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time."
— Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis (1981)

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#87 A mile on the ocean and a mile on land are not the same distance.

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is so stupid she hears it's chilly outside is so she gets a bowl

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A: Palm Sunday

You might be a redneck if...

By: RobnoxiousPublished: 01/01/2000
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  • The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

  • You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

  • Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

  • You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

  • You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

  • Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

  • You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

  • You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

  • Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

  • You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

  • You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

  • Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

  • You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

  • Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

  • You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

  • You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

  • You take a six-pack cooler to church.

  • You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

  • The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

  • You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

  • One of your kids was born on a pool table.

  • Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

  • You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

  • You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

  • Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

  • You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

  • You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

  • Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

  • Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

    Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of

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    This Section


    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    Foxworthy's a genius (0 replies)
    started by bestwan
    (08.29.2000 8:39:51 PM EST)

    If you've ever used lard in bed...

    Say no to drugs. And drive in the right lane.

    you might be a redneck... (2 replies)
    started by jayblack
    (08.17.2000 11:38:50 AM EST)

    you mite be a redneck if your 1 year old has more teeth than you do.

    if you are reading my quote...quit and get your own.

    like I haven't heard all of those before (0 replies)  
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (07.14.2000 1:21:41 AM EST)

    kind of repetitive don't you think? they're the same things over and over and over again...but they're still pretty funny is not responsible for any content which individual users post. reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.

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    Goofball Facts
    It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.