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You might be a redneck if...

By: RobnoxiousPublished: 01/01/2000
 
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  • The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

  • You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

  • Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

  • You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

  • You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

  • Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

  • You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

  • You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

  • Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

  • You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

  • You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

  • Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

  • You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

  • Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

  • You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

  • You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

  • You take a six-pack cooler to church.

  • You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

  • The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

  • You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

  • One of your kids was born on a pool table.

  • Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

  • You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

  • You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

  • Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

  • You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

  • You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

  • Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

  • Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

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    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    Foxworthy's a genius (0 replies)
    started by bestwan
    (08.29.2000 8:39:51 PM EST)

    If you've ever used lard in bed...

    Say no to drugs. And drive in the right lane.

    you might be a redneck... (2 replies)
    started by jayblack
    (08.17.2000 11:38:50 AM EST)

    you mite be a redneck if your 1 year old has more teeth than you do.

    if you are reading my quote...quit and get your own.

    like I haven't heard all of those before (0 replies)  
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (07.14.2000 1:21:41 AM EST)

    kind of repetitive don't you think? they're the same things over and over and over again...but they're still pretty funny

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