Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit
when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me though, is
these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on
those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all
the whacking off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's
making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"
The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion, "Oldest trick in the
book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you buy about
50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that
fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."
"Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I'm out a bag of
gold every trip!"
"Not so," replied the other captain. "After you get back to port, take all
the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles.
You make a tidy profit every time."
The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice and
divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and setoff to sea.
Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after
barrel. When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a
huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long, I'll be
able to buy a new boat!'
This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to
that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised
to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the
captain cried out, "What's the meaning of this?!"
"You sick bastard," replied the cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold
to the candle factory last time you passed through town?"
"Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"
"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all
the nuns are fucking pregnant!"
