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George W. Bush
 
"This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of...You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for...We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of this, too: I'm certain to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low."-Albuquerque, N.M., the Washington Post, May 31, 2000
 
 

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#89 The average American walks 18,000 steps a day.
 
 

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Death By Adultery

By: PortaJonPublished: 06/13/2001
 
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Two men meet at the pearly gates of heaven. The first man says to the second, "Hey! How did you die?"

The second man says, "I froze to death."

"Wow that must be a terrible way to die. What's it feel like?" says the first man.

"Well at first it hurts," says the second man, "But after a while everything goes numb and it's very peaceful. Like drifting off to sleep almost. How did you die?"

"Oh I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me. So I came home early one day to catch her in the act. I ran into her room but she was sitting there knitting. So I ran down to the basement and no one was there. I ran to the first floor but no one was there either. So I ran up the steps to the attic but just as I was halfway up the steps I had a massive heart attack and died."

"How ironic," Says the second man.

"Why's that?" Says the first.

"If you'd only looked in the freezer then we'd both still be alive."

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