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Assorted Goofiness
College Humor
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George W. Bush |
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"We acted, and there are no longer mass graves and torture rooms and rape rooms in Iraq." Bush, remarks at Victory 2004 Reception, Florida, April 23, 2004
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Random Quote |
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"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
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Snapple Facts |
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#150 The first sport to be filmed was boxing in 1894.
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Yo Mama ... |
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is like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.
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One Liners |
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Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: By psychologically breaking down her confidence with a rigorous behavior modification schedule, alternating between sensory deprivation and sensory overload, thereby breaking down her conception of self, leaving her unable to resist outside suggestion.
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 A Dog Named Sex | | By: bigtomato | Published: 11/05/2000 | | |  |
| Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex.
Now "Sex" has been very embarrassing for me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for "Sex." He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said,
"But this is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had 'Sex' since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for "Sex." He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. 'Sex' keeps me awake at night!" The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered "Sex" in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have "Sex" in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have 'Sex' on TV." He called
me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had 'Sex' before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, 'Sex' left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night "Sex" ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for 'Sex'."
My case comes up Friday.
Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com? |  | |  | Related Links Dog Coughs Up a Couple of Karats
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More Sex Jokes...
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ARTICLE FORUM LIST |
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You must register to participate in this discussion.
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I Love You
(0 replies)
started by
Anonymous Goofball
(02.06.2001 1:42:29 AM EST)
Hope its not to corny
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Don't kill me
(0 replies)
started by
Anonymous Goofball
(01.08.2001 1:33:26 PM EST)
I read this and laughed thought I would like you to read it but don't kick my butt to hard.
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dude
(0 replies)
started by
blazed3wayz
(12.28.2000 7:34:36 PM EST)
this is the funnist shit i ever read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it not what you can do for your country, it's how your country can fuck you over.
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this is funny you will luv it
(0 replies)
started by
Anonymous Goofball
(12.12.2000 6:42:37 PM EST)
crystal this is just so something that u and i would do.
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me too
(0 replies)
started by
trafficjammer
(11.06.2000 5:00:25 PM EST)
That was the funniest thing i have seen all day but i know how you feel. The sex story is a spliting image of my life without the dog! I haven't been locked up yet so i guess i need to stay out of the alleys!
DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL IT'S GONE! AND THERE'S NOTHING LIKE IT BUT MORE OF IT!
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My cat's nickname
(0 replies)
started by
Anonymous Goofball
(11.06.2000 12:49:29 PM EST)
"Pussy"
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its like
(0 replies)
started by
orhanbaba
(11.06.2000 6:34:52 AM EST)
the song 'a boy named sue'
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dog
(0 replies)
started by
alfspin
(11.05.2000 7:17:05 PM EST)
I have a dog named Mr. Barfinkle...Alf is in Da' House!
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I've read it before...
(0 replies)
started by
mizike
(11.05.2000 5:43:37 PM EST)
but its still a good one. It hasn't been posted on Goofball yet. Screw you guys, we're just sharing stuff on this site...new or old, so go read your gay mags and quit bitching! Fags.I think I'm gonna puke...
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this is as old
(0 replies)
started by
Anonymous Goofball
(11.05.2000 5:09:44 PM EST)
...as my dick is long!
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Credit where credit is due
(0 replies)
started by
TheProphet
(11.05.2000 4:28:00 AM EST)
This is very old. It is a column by the late Lewis Grizzard. I remember when it first came out lo, these many years ago.Thaddaeus A. Vick
Wholly Prophet of Eris Discordia
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man...
(0 replies)
started by
hairyjew
(11.05.2000 2:36:14 AM EST)
this shit wasnt even close to funny
fuck you
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Casino Joke |
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I know this crazy guy who just won't play at a casino. He just pretends to play in his head. Last week he lost his mind!
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Goofball Facts |
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About half of all Americans are on a diet on any given day.
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