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"Jessica Simpson is here with us, which means we've finally introduced reality TV to the Lincoln Theater."—Bush, introducing the pop singer and reality TV star on March 14 at Ford's Theater in Washington (where Lincoln was shot). Source: Richard Leiby, The Washington Post, "Reliable Source," March 16, 2004

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— Steven Wright, Comedian

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#209 The largest pumpkin ever grown weighed 1,061 lbs.

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so ugly she just got a job at the airport sniffing for drugs.

One Liners
Q: What's the definition of macho?
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Condom Salesman

By: TheAdvisorPublished: 12/14/1998
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A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the two cute babies started asking the man "Aren't they cute, what is their names?"

The man giving the lady an angry look replied "I don't know".

The lady asked again "Which is a boy and which is a girl".

The man looking angrier than before replied "I don't know".

The woman then started to scold the man "What kind of a father are you ?".

The man replied "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company"

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    Goofball Facts
    The metal part at the end of a pencil is twenty percent sulfur.