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A Dog Named Sex

By: bigtomatoPublished: 11/05/2000
 
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Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex.

Now "Sex" has been very embarrassing for me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for "Sex." He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had 'Sex' since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for "Sex." He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. 'Sex' keeps me awake at night!" The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered "Sex" in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have "Sex" in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have 'Sex' on TV." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had 'Sex' before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, 'Sex' left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night "Sex" ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for 'Sex'."

My case comes up Friday.

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    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    I Love You (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (02.06.2001 1:42:29 AM EST)

    Hope its not to corny

    Don't kill me (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (01.08.2001 1:33:26 PM EST)

    I read this and laughed thought I would like you to read it but don't kick my butt to hard.















    dude (0 replies)
    started by blazed3wayz
    (12.28.2000 7:34:36 PM EST)

    this is the funnist shit i ever read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    it not what you can do for your country, it's how your country can fuck you over.

    this is funny you will luv it (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (12.12.2000 6:42:37 PM EST)

    crystal this is just so something that u and i would do.

    me too (0 replies)
    started by trafficjammer
    (11.06.2000 5:00:25 PM EST)

    That was the funniest thing i have seen all day but i know how you feel. The sex story is a spliting image of my life without the dog! I haven't been locked up yet so i guess i need to stay out of the alleys!









    DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL IT'S GONE! AND THERE'S NOTHING LIKE IT BUT MORE OF IT!

    My cat's nickname (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (11.06.2000 12:49:29 PM EST)

    "Pussy"

    its like (0 replies)
    started by orhanbaba
    (11.06.2000 6:34:52 AM EST)

    the song 'a boy named sue'

    Actual conversation: (0 replies)
    started by OliverClozoff
    (11.05.2000 11:29:52 PM EST)


    "What's your dog's name?"

    "Orgasm."

    "Does he come when you call him?"



    Fellow, American Association of Amateur Gynecologists

    dog (0 replies)
    started by alfspin
    (11.05.2000 7:17:05 PM EST)

    I have a dog named Mr. Barfinkle...

    Alf is in Da' House!

    Mizike is right (0 replies)
    started by obiwan
    (11.05.2000 5:58:20 PM EST)

    Absolutely.

    E-chuta!

    I've read it before... (0 replies)
    started by mizike
    (11.05.2000 5:43:37 PM EST)

    but its still a good one. It hasn't been posted on Goofball yet. Screw you guys, we're just sharing stuff on this site...new or old, so go read your gay mags and quit bitching! Fags.

    I think I'm gonna puke...

    this is as old (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (11.05.2000 5:09:44 PM EST)

    ...as my dick is long!

    Credit where credit is due (0 replies)
    started by TheProphet
    (11.05.2000 4:28:00 AM EST)

    This is very old. It is a column by the late Lewis Grizzard. I remember when it first came out lo, these many years ago.

    Thaddaeus A. Vick Wholly Prophet of Eris Discordia

    man... (0 replies)
    started by hairyjew
    (11.05.2000 2:36:14 AM EST)

    this shit wasnt even close to funny

    fuck you

    SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD (0 replies)  
    started by donut38
    (11.05.2000 0:14:41 AM EST)

    WAY TO GET ARRESTED LOOKING FOR SEX AT 4 AM

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