Search
 


Advanced Search
 
Entire Site

Goofball Login

Username:

Password:

Remember Me?

»Preview
» Why Register?
»Register Now!
» Renew Now!
» Who's Online Now
» Log In Trouble?

 

Assorted Goofiness
College Humor
BakerMedia
Busted Tees
EHOWA
Fark
JokeDump
Mike's List
Ogrish
Zfilter

George W. Bush
 
"I want it to be said that the Bush administration was a results-oriented administration, because I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be - a literate country and a hopefuller country." - Washington, D.C., Jan. 11, 2001
 
 

Random Quote
 
"The last thing you want is for someone to commit suicide before executing them."
— Gary Deland, former Utah director for corrections
 
 

Snapple Facts
 
#72 The average person uses 150 gallons of water per day for personal use.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
is so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
 
 

One Liners
 
Q. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A. Quatro sinko.
 
 


Last American Virgins

By: AcidIntervalPublished: 03/01/2001
 
Save article to file cabinet Send to a Friend Print this out

Mildred and Chester knew each other from childhood, but were in their nineties when they got married. They had to wait for Mildred's mother to pass away first. Back in those days there was no hanky panky before marriage, so Chester and Mildred were both still virgins.

Needless to say Chester was pretty excited on their wedding night, having waited so patiently all these years. However, Mildred was very apprehensive as she had developed a heart condition and would have to tell Chester that they could not do it.

Chester is now sitting on the bed wanting Mildred to hurry up. He detects a little reluctance on her part. Thinking that she is shy, he sends her off to the bathroom to get undressed. When she reappears in her silk sateen nightie, he gets her to sit next to him on the bed.

Not knowing how to get things started he pulls the first strap on her nightie. She blushes just as red as her silk sateen nightie. She is really concerned about telling Chester about her heart condition. In the meantime Chester is looking at the first breast he has seen since his own mother's. It is hanging there down to her belly button; gravity having taken its course over some ninety years. He realizes her anxiety but figures she is going have to be helped a little more. Now he pulls the second strap and sees the second breast unroll downward before him.

Poor Mildred is now beside herself. She is going to have to tell Chester about her heart. With a quivering voice and mustering up all her courage, she says, "Chester I have acute angina".

Chester says, "I sure hope so. Your boobs look like hell."

Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?

Related Links
  • Man Sentenced to a Year in Prison for Killing Time
  • Heroin Addicts Ignore Infirm Sister for a Year
  • Happy New Year
  • Huge Withdrawal for 16 Year Old
  • 70 Year Old Parents To Be?
  • Sausage Cutter gets choice: $43 or a year in Jail
  • New Year's Toast
  • New two-year degree for men
  • Handyman Cashes in on 8-year-old's Driving Skills
  • 21-Year-Old Babe On Bond for Bagging Underage Boy
  • A 92 year-old man went to the doctor...
  • 105-year-old ordered to school
  • Leader In Diaper Drug Ring Sentenced To 20 Years
  • Man Forced to Stay 11 Years at Paris Airport Now Won't Leave
  • After All These Years
  • Son Leaves Dead Mother in Chair for 5 Years
  • Dead German found sitting at home, five years later
  • Dead man gets 2 years
  • Saint Still Sanguine 63 Years After Interment
  • 100 Years Old And Still Frisky

  • More Sex Jokes...

     

    Search
     


    Advanced Search
     
    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    dumb (0 replies)
    started by sethmo
    (03.06.2001 5:27:43 PM EST)

    this could use a little help with hummor


    old whore (0 replies)
    started by StreetImperial
    (03.03.2001 2:35:52 AM EST)

    I'd say biatch gobble up the nuts...

    It's a beautiful day...now watch some asshole go fuck it up. I tried doing good, but good's not too good for me.

    not 1st (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (03.01.2001 5:45:39 PM EST)

    but being 4th is pretty cool

    My ? is (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (03.01.2001 1:08:58 PM EST)

    if they are in their nineties, how old was the mother?

    Yeah but... (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (03.01.2001 11:30:53 AM EST)

    I'm sure Chester's nuts hang down below his knees, so who is he to complain about saggy boobs?

    First biatch!!!!! (0 replies)  
    started by TwiztidPimp
    (03.01.2001 0:28:15 AM EST)

    this joke sucked, but i'm still first

    Goofball.com is not responsible for any content which individual users post. Goofball.com reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.


    Most Recent
    Gynecologist's Assistant
    A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown ...
    11.13.2009

    A Whopping Baby Boy
    An LSU fan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Louisiana baby boy weighing 25 pounds...
    09.27.2009

    Secret Surgery
    A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon ...
    08.11.2009

    Woodpecker Bragging Rights
    A Texas woodpecker and a New Mexico woodpecker were ...
    03.05.2009

    Rate This!

    2.84 Goofballs of 5
    25 Viewer(s) rated

    Rating the content is for registered users only.

    Section Features
  • Top Ranked Items
  • One Year Ago
    Flat Belly
    A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his ...
    11.15.2008

    Wife In a Coma
    Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath .One of them was washing her private area and noticed a slight response whenever she touched her there ...
    10.29.2008

    Abe Lincoln
    A man wearing a stovepipe hat, a fake beard, and a ...
    10.10.2008

    The Urinal Is Too High
    A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by ...
    10.03.2008

    Two Years Ago
    A Wise Old Man
    An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend ...
    09.14.2007

    Do You Have A Good Health Plan?
    A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around ...
    08.25.2007

    Making Love In The VW
    Steve and Fiona were making passionate love in Steve's ...
    08.18.2007

    All Grandpas, Heed This WARNING:
    Do not lose your grandkids in the mall. A small ...
    08.16.2007

    Lookie Here!
    Mug Shots : Celebrities Under Arrest

    Casino Joke
     
    I know this crazy guy who just won't play at a casino. He just pretends to play in his head. Last week he lost his mind!
     
     

    Goofball Facts
     
    William Howard Taft was the second president to own a car. He was too fat to drive it.