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George W. Bush
 
"There's only one person who hugs the mothers and the widows, the wives and the kids upon the death of their loved one. Others hug but having committed the troops, I've got an additional responsibility to hug and that's me and I know what it's like."Source: ABC News Transcripts, "President Bush and First Lady Bush '20/20' Year-End Interview," Dec. 13, 2002
 
 

Random Quote
 
"AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, 'The check's in the mail', people are going to say, 'Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote.' "
— Jay Leno, Comedian
 
 

Snapple Facts
 
#223 The Basenji is the only type of dog that does not bark.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
so ugly they turn off the cameras when she walks into a bank!
 
 

One Liners
 
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
 
 


Tennis Elbow

By: HandsomeDevilPublished: 01/22/1999
 
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One day, Pete complained to his friend Woody, "Man! My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go see a doctor." Woody said, "Don't do that! There's a computer at the corner drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it and it only cost 10 bucks." Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with his urine sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started to flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW.
SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER.
AVOID HEAVY LABOR.
IT WILL BE BETTER IN TWO WEEKS.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Pete began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer. Giggling like a giddy teenager, he poured in the sample and deposited 10 bucks. The machine again made the usual noises and printed out the following analysis:

YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD.
GET A WATER SOFTENER.
YOUR DOG HAS RINGWORMS. BATHE HIM WITH ANTI-FUNGAL SHAMPOO.
YOUR DAUGHTER IS USING COCAINE. PUT HER IN A REHABILITATION CLINIC.
YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH TWIN GIRLS. THEY AREN'T YOURS. GET A LAWYER.
AND IF YOU DON'T STOP JERKING OFF, YOUR TENNIS ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.

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    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    Funny (0 replies)
    started by alfspin
    (09.05.2000 11:56:33 PM EST)

    Gee Golly, that was a good one.

    Alf is in Da' House!

    gross (0 replies)
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (06.25.2000 1:05:12 AM EST)

    that is so funny and so gross.
    i laughed until i stopped.

    hiiiii (0 replies)  
    started by Anonymous Goofball
    (06.20.2000 10:22:14 PM EST)

    yeyeyeyeyye

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