Search
 


Advanced Search
 
Entire Site

Goofball Login

Cookies must be
enabled to log in

Username:

Password:

Remember Me?

»Preview
» Why Register?
»Register Now!
» Renew Now!
» Who's Online Now
» Log In Trouble?

 

Assorted Goofiness
BakerMedia
College Humor
EHOWA
Fark
JokeDump
Mike's List
Ogrish
Zfilter

George W. Bush
 
"Justice was being delivered to a man who defied that gift from the Almighty to the people of Iraq." - Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003
 
 

Random Quote
 
"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on."
— Roseanne Barr
 
 

Snapple Facts
 
#46 Elephants are the only mammal that cannot jump.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
... is so fat, Her picture fell off the wall!
 
 

One Liners
 
Q: What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A: A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
 
 


Diagnosis

By: michaelcarlPublished: 01/28/2005
 
Save article to file cabinet Send to a Friend Print this out

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Roger says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Roger deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Roger began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Roger hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?

Related Links
  • Doctor, Doctor, Mr MD
  • Doctor's Visit
  • Doctor's Orders
  • Diagnosis Machine
  • Oregon Doctor Jailed For Sex Bill
  • Doctor Brings Cadaver Arm For Show And Tell
  • And He's A Doctor?
  • Going To The Doctor
  • Playing Doctor
  • Doctor's Appointment
  • Doctor Stories
  • The Doctor Will See You Now
  • Doctor Knows Best
  • Tree Doctor
  • Doctor, Magician, Idiot
  • Doctor Phil
  • The Diagnosis
  • The Eye Doctor
  • Muff Doctor
  • Score Two For The Doctor

  • More Technology Jokes...

     

    Search
     


    Advanced Search
     
    This Section

    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    lmfao (0 replies)
    started by bigjohn2
    (01.29.2005 8:30:06 AM EST)

    thats why the elbow just aches...

    I should have known (0 replies)  
    started by thegrandpatron
    (01.28.2005 7:09:44 AM EST)


    it did say "Roger's" elbow hurt.
    I should have known it was going to be a whacking off joke.


    Waaaa hahahahaha

    Goofball.com is not responsible for any content which individual users post. Goofball.com reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.


    Most Recent
    Abort, Retry, Ignore
    Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision ...
    05.23.2007

    Rate This!

    4.00 Goofballs of 5
    14 Viewer(s) rated

    Rating the content is for registered users only.

    Section Features
  • Top Ranked Items
  • Two Years Ago
    Dangerous Virus'... Keep An Eye Out For Them
    The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep ...
    11.01.2005

    How Was I Born?
    The little boy asks his father - "Daddy, how was I ...
    05.28.2005

    Lookie Here!
    The Spy Who Shagged Me

    Goofball Facts
     
    All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.