| Ellen Degeneres virus | Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC. |
| Monica Lewinsky virus | Sucks all the memory out of yourcomputer.
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| Titanic virus | Makes your whole computer go down. |
| Disney virus | Everything in the computer goes Goofy. |
| Mike Tyson virus | Quits after one byte. |
| Prozac virus | Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
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| Sharon Stone virus | Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there. |
| Lorena Bobbit virus | Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
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| Tim Allen virus | Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact. |
| Woody Allen virus | Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. |
| Saddam Hussein virus | Won't let you into any of your programs. |
| Tonya Harding virus | Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
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| George Michaels virus | Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup. |
| Joey Buttafuoco virus | Only attacks minor files. |
| X-files virus | All your Icons start shapeshifting. |
| Spice Girl virus | Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. |
| Ronald Reagan virus | Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. |
| Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus | Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them. |
| Sony Bono virus | Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere. |
| Martha Stewart virus | Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop. |
| Oprah Winfrey virus | Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. |
| AT&T virus | Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. |
| MCI virus | Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the ATnT virus. |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger virus | Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. |
| Viagra virus | Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive. |
