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George W. Bush
 
REPORTER: "[The California recall is] the biggest political story in the country. Is it hard to go in there and say nothing about it?" GEORGE W. BUSH: "It is the biggest political story in the country? That's interesting. That says a lot. That speaks volumes." REPORTER: "You don't agree?" GEORGE W. BUSH: "It's up to—I don't get to decide the biggest political story. You decide the biggest political story. But I find it interesting that that is the biggest political story in the country, as you just said." REPORTER: "You don't think it should be?" GEORGE W. BUSH: "Oh, I think there's maybe other political stories. Isn't there, like, a presidential race coming up? Maybe that says something. It speaks volumes, if you know what I mean." —Bush, sharing his insights on the 2004 election, Aug. 13, 2003. Source: Source: PBS Online News Hour, "California Certifies 135 Candidates in Recall Election," Aug. 14, 2003.
 
 

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"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin."

—David Letterman
 
 

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#185 A male kangaroo is called a Boomer.
 
 

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Ah, That Modern Medical Technology...

By: JayDeePublished: 04/17/1999
 
Save article to file cabinet Send to a Friend Print this out

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which said the following:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Pete began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic".

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better."

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    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    hahahaha (0 replies)  
    started by wh0r3
    (07.25.2000 2:06:22 AM EST)

    that's hilarious

    Yeah..

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