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Redneck Religion

By: misspkPublished: 11/21/2002
 
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You know yours is a redneck church if:

**The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

**People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

**When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

**Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

**A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

**The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

**Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.

**In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

**Baptism is referred to as "branding."

**There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.

**Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

**High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

**People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

**The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

**The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

**The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

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  • More Top Ten Lists Jokes...

     

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    ARTICLE FORUM LIST  

    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    hahahahahaha (0 replies)
    started by kweenbee
    (11.22.2002 8:05:12 PM EST)

    Yep, got Roger written all over it.

    Love the country, live to pee outside!

    Waaaaaa hahahaha (0 replies)
    started by tjshere
    (11.21.2002 11:04:35 AM EST)

    I'm beginning to wish I was a redneck. Those people seem to be able to have fun no matter where they are.

    Funny stuff here, Oh Flawless One. Kisses.

    My schween is small but my tongue is mighty!
    pretty snazzy, huh?

    What's so funny about this? (0 replies)
    started by thegrandpatron
    (11.21.2002 7:15:55 AM EST)

    I grew up in this church. LOL
    Except for the Bubba part. We had Bobs. Billy Bob, Ray Bob, June Bob,

    They may be rednecks but.... (0 replies)  
    started by willi
    (11.21.2002 1:34:36 AM EST)

    they sound a whole lot more fun than a Catholic church.

    If their services on Sunday end in time for me to get home and watch my football, sign me up!

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    The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead".