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George W. Bush
"The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production."Source: Federal Document Clearing House, "President Signs 911 Commission Bill," Nov. 27, 2002

Random Quote
"He wants Texas back."
— Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, asked what terms Mexican - born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations. (1981)

Snapple Facts
#155 In 1926, the first outdoor mini-golf courses were built on rooftops in NYC.

Yo Mama ...
is so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

One Liners
Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts!

Useful Work Phrases

By: LisaLisaPublished: 04/27/1999
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1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
6) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7) What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
8) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9) I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10) Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
11) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
13) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
14) No, my powers can only be used for good.
15) How about never? Is never good for you?
16) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
17) You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
18) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
19) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
20) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
21) Who me? I just wander from room to room.
22) My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
23) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
24) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
25) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
26) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
27) Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of

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    Goofball Facts
    All elephants walk on tip-toe, because the back portion of their foot is made up of all fat and no bone.