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George W. Bush
"We've got pockets of persistent poverty in our society, which I refuse to declare defeat—I mean, I refuse to allow them to continue on. And so one of the things that we're trying to do is to encourage a faith-based initiative to spread its wings all across America, to be able to capture this great compassionate spirit." Source: Federal News Service, "Remarks by President George W. Bush Re: Small Businesses Location," March 18, 2002 The second edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Phrase, Saying and Quotation recently recognized Bush's er ... contributions to the English language. Under the heading "Bushisms," the dictionary includes such Bush classics as, "We are ready for any unforseen event which may or may not happen."

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"I am incapable of doing any real work on my own. You are my co-worker who will have to help me. Please advise."
— Steve Schultz, Talentless Loser

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Yo Mama ...
so ugly you could tell the face only 'cuz it had ears.

One Liners

Hellmarks Cards

By: thegrandpatronPublished: 02/27/2002
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OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas...
INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.

OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
INSIDE: What the fuck was I thinking?

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:
INSIDE: Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it.

OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

OUTSIDE: The holidays are a great time to be with family.
INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!

OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?

Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of

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    This Section


    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    Those are great (0 replies)
    started by pyrtwist
    (03.08.2002 1:19:12 PM EST)

    Outside: Thinking of you
    Inside: running down the street in front of my car

    Thanks GP.... (4 replies)
    started by ladybug
    (02.27.2002 5:35:59 PM EST)

    This is the funniest thing on GoofBall today!

    I especially wish I had this one several years ago!

    OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
    INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

    Thank you for making me laugh,
    you funny man!

    I Love Bugman!

    hahahahahaha (0 replies)
    started by kweenbee
    (02.27.2002 4:30:43 PM EST)

    Great read Grand. ^5 buddy.

    Love the country, live to pee outside!

    LMFAO... This is hilarious (2 replies)
    started by roger
    (02.27.2002 10:14:38 AM EST)

    ..and you're right GP, this would make a great animation on the message board. Show the front of each card with some flowers and shit and then show it opening up with those great one liners.

    Thanks for the laugh

    Gets a 5 from me.

    Just protecting my sheep

    I guess (0 replies)
    started by thegrandpatron
    (02.27.2002 6:01:17 AM EST)

    They could have used this on the message Boards. Ha Ha

    My favorite one is
    OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
    INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

    LOL (0 replies)  
    started by tjshere
    (02.27.2002 4:15:33 AM EST)

    Even Hallmark is flaming now. Must be contagious.

    Check out that tongue action!
    Never fear.....TJ's here! is not responsible for any content which individual users post. reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.

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    Goofball Facts
    The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.