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George W. Bush
"What is your ambitions?"—Bush, speaking at the Parkview Arts and Science Magnet School Source: Federal News Service, "Remarks by President George W. Bush at a Back-to-School Event," Aug. 29, 2002

Random Quote
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

Snapple Facts
#172 The eye makes movements 50 times every second.

Yo Mama ...
has a short leg and walks in circles.

One Liners
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny woman?
A: A counterfeit dollar bill is a phony buck!

Hellmarks Cards

By: thegrandpatronPublished: 02/27/2002
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OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas...
INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.

OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
INSIDE: What the fuck was I thinking?

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:
INSIDE: Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it.

OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

OUTSIDE: The holidays are a great time to be with family.
INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!

OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?

Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of

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    This Section


    You must register to participate in this discussion.
    Those are great (0 replies)
    started by pyrtwist
    (03.08.2002 1:19:12 PM EST)

    Outside: Thinking of you
    Inside: running down the street in front of my car

    Thanks GP.... (4 replies)
    started by ladybug
    (02.27.2002 5:35:59 PM EST)

    This is the funniest thing on GoofBall today!

    I especially wish I had this one several years ago!

    OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
    INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

    Thank you for making me laugh,
    you funny man!

    I Love Bugman!

    hahahahahaha (0 replies)
    started by kweenbee
    (02.27.2002 4:30:43 PM EST)

    Great read Grand. ^5 buddy.

    Love the country, live to pee outside!

    LMFAO... This is hilarious (2 replies)
    started by roger
    (02.27.2002 10:14:38 AM EST)

    ..and you're right GP, this would make a great animation on the message board. Show the front of each card with some flowers and shit and then show it opening up with those great one liners.

    Thanks for the laugh

    Gets a 5 from me.

    Just protecting my sheep

    I guess (0 replies)
    started by thegrandpatron
    (02.27.2002 6:01:17 AM EST)

    They could have used this on the message Boards. Ha Ha

    My favorite one is
    OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
    INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

    LOL (0 replies)  
    started by tjshere
    (02.27.2002 4:15:33 AM EST)

    Even Hallmark is flaming now. Must be contagious.

    Check out that tongue action!
    Never fear.....TJ's here! is not responsible for any content which individual users post. reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.

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    Goofball Facts
    One way to tell seals and sea lions apart is that, sea lions have external ears and testicles.