1999 Darwin Awards Personal Account
A story so peculiar it has to be true.
(November 1999) This story was passed to me by my colleague Henrik Juul Sorensen at Lind Maskiner, Denmark. We exchange the usual tasteless jokes and smut by email. Henrik sent me this true story about his colleague's daughter's weekend holiday. It takes little imagination to picture the pain and suffering that happened to the parties concerned, but nevertheless is very funny.
A daughter of a Lind Maskiner technician wanted to take a weekend break with her boyfriend. They decided to meet a second couple for a morning ferry to a small island off the Danish Coast. For the purposes of this story, we will call this couple Jan and Pia.
When their friends arrive at the ferry, Jan and Pia are not there. The friends are worried, but receive a phone call shortly before the ferry departs. "Sorry, we had a problem, but we will be on the afternoon ferry. Go ahead without us, we will see you this evening!"
Later that day, Jan and Pia arrive. Pia has two black eyes and a broken nose, and Jan is walking as if he's been kicked in the baby-making department. Their friends assume that Jan and Pia have had an argument, and tactfully make no remarks. But later that evening, after a few drinks, Jan and Pia explain the situation.
That morning, Jan had his shower first, followed by Pia. When Pia returned to the bedroom, naked and steamy, Jan began to think the usual thoughts a man thinks when a sexy woman walks into the bedroom. But he resisted, knowing that they needed to pack for their holiday. Pia went to the wardrobe and bent down to pick up some clothes. Jan, on seeing this very tempting position, made his move, and who wouldn't?
Pia was very welcoming, and soon the two were locked in "mortal combat." It was then that their new baby kitten came strolling into the bedroom unnoticed. Cats are by their very nature curious, and the kitten approached the cavorting couple. He looked up and saw two very tempting furry balls moving backwards and forwards.
The kitten did what cats do. Claws bared, the kitten made a two-paw pounce on the enticing hairy spheres. Jan reacted as any man would, resulting in a dynamic thrust forward. Unfortunately this hefty thrust pushed poor Pia headlong into the bottom of the wardrobe, breaking her nose.
And that is why Jan was waking in a strange manner, and Pia had a broken nose and two black eyes.
