"Fish-Impersonation Deaths On the Rise in Melbourne"
(29 November 1995, Australia) -- Fish-impersonation deaths on the rise.
The badly decomposed remains of Neil of Melbourne were discovered in a paddock near the Toolondo Reservoir. Neil's death was shrouded in mystery, tragedy, and a fish suit.
Local law enforcement officials said the 49-year-old man was wearing a "heavy, green plastic bodysuit," which he apparently constructed from old waterbed material. The suit, from which one could only be extricated painstakingly after unfastening a full-length zipper along the spine,
constricted his legs into one mermaidesque tail. The only openings in the suit, aside from the zipper, were two eyeholes.
Neil's garb, enclosing his entire body like a maritime mummy costume, restricted his breathing as well as his movement. He was discovered in this attire, which the Melbourne Fish Costume Bureau stresses was "not approved," less than a kilometer from Toolondo Lake. He apparently had attempted to swim back to his home.
A second, yellow-colored suit was found in his garage.
The psychological motivation for Neil's fatal excursion remains unclear. Police have learned that he was taking medications for epilepsy and diabetes at the time, and speculate that his behavior may have had a chemical basis, but locals have their own theories about the aquatic
abberation.
"He wanted to be a fish," disclosed one unnamed resident, recalling incidents in which Wilson would swing from a rope while wearing the suit at the lake. Other comments from the Australian community included "bollocks" and "criminey."
Wilson's death brings the Melbourne fish impersonation fatality toll to one, up infinity percent from zero in the previous year.
