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	George W. Bush
	"There's no bigger task than protecting the homeland of our country." Source: Federal News Service, "Remarks by President George W. Bush at 'Simon for Governor' Luncheon," Aug. 23, 2002

	Random Quote
	"My girlfriend asked me if I slept well. I said no, I made a couple mistakes." — Steven Wright, Comedian

	Snapple Facts
	#201 The only one-syllabled U.S. state is Maine.

	Yo Mama ...
	so ugly she could gag a maggot on a gutwagon.

	One Liners
	Q: What's the speed limit of sex? A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Most Recent
	Woman Kills Husband With Folding Couch St Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall. 08.09.2008 Brothel Offers Customers Gas Rebate Clients of the Shady Lady Ranch will get a $50 gas voucher if they fork out $300 -- worth about one hour's worth of services -- at the brothel in Beatty, Nevada, 130 miles northwest of Las Vegas. 08.08.2008 Naked Man Arrested After Hijacking Las Vegas Bus Maybe he lost his shirt at a casino. Police in Las Vegas say they arrested a naked man who stole a beer and then hijacked a bus several miles northeast of the Strip ... 08.07.2008 Man Dials 911, Complains His Sub Had No Sauce The sauce for a spicy Italian sandwich was apparently a must have for one Florida man. The man, Reginald Peterson, called 911 twice after a sandwich shop left off the sauce. 08.05.2008

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Section Features
	Top Ranked Items

One Year Ago
	Nude Man In High Heels Causes Lockdown McMINNVILLE, Ore. - A man wearing nothing but women's ... 06.25.2007 Mom Teed Off By Urinating Drunk Golfers OAK RIDGE, Tenn. - A mother teed off by drunken golfers ... 06.24.2007 Grandma Finds Condom In McDonald's Bag WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A grandmother was alarmed ... 06.23.2007 Man Arrested For Driving Golf Cart Drunk In the spirit of golf season ... I was actually surprised that this wasn't Roger. 06.04.2007

Two Years Ago
	Teattime Love Bite Was this the only way she was able to get him to make ... 07.27.2006 Kids' Show Host Fired Over 'Technical Virgin' Video The PBS Kids Sprout network has fired the host of "The Good Night Show" after learning she had appeared in videos called "Technical Virgin." 07.25.2006 And Why the Hell Do They Need Uniforms? Dennis FitzSimons, the chief executive of the company that owns the Chicago Cubs, said today that staff reductions would be needed to bring costs in line with other properties in the Tribune Co. portfolio. 07.19.2006 Aussie Woman Swallows 320 Condoms Full Of Drugs A woman who police allege ... 06.29.2006

Lookie Here!
	Our Dumb Century

	Goofball Facts
	The foundations of the great European cathedrals go down as far as forty or fifty feet. In some instances, they form a mass of stone as great as that of the visible building above the ground.