The Darwin Awards traditionally commemorate those who improve the gene pool by accidentally killing themselves in an extraordinarily stupid way. The stupidity displayed by the participants in the following tale stops short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless, we salute the spirit and innovation of his misadventures.
Here we have a rare Darwin Award where the nominee is still very much alive, but has virtually eliminated his chance of passing on his genes. In the wee hours of Monday, December 6, a 19-year-old University of Michigan student was shot in the penis with a BB gun. The student was stripped to his boxers at the time, and the BB gun was held a scant two inches from his groin when it discharged. He underwent surgery the next day. Details of his recovery are unavailable.
The student was a pledge of the Alpha Epsilon Pi fraternity, and the shooting has been labelled a hazing incident.
Other pledges report that a fraternity brother shot the BB gun - presumed to be not loaded by the victims -- at the eyes, temples, and backs of six pledges. Then the marksman came to Lucky Number Seven, who, incredibly, did not flee in terror when a man who had drunk a volume of beer equivalent to Lake Huron held a BB gun two inches away from his groin. This incident was the last in a series of pranks involving the same fraternity, according to anonymous pledges. Earlier in the rush period, two had been sent to the emergency room with alcohol poisoning after allegedly being reqired to drink over 20 shots, and one was treated at the hospital after he was struck in the head with a snowball wrapped around a rock. He was stripped to his boxers at the time.
A spokesman for the fraternity denied the charges of hazing levelled by the pledges, calling them personal vendettas. "Everything they did was voluntary," he said. "They clean the House and participate in enjoyable scavenger hunts to unite the pledge class." There was no comment on whether the next scavenger hunt would involve searching for missing pieces of genitalia, thousands of dollars, and a down-on-his-luck plastic surgeon.
"Help control the idiot population. Have your fraternity member spayed or neutered."
Reference: Michigan Daily
