"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." - Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003
Random Quote
"Warning: Never use while sleeping." — Warning with hair dryer, cited in US News & World Report
Snapple Facts
#53 The average women consumes 6lbs of lipstick in her lifetime.
Yo Mama ...
is so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world
One Liners
Q. What was Ted Bundy's last job in prison? A. Conductor.
LONDON -- Cocaine-crazy thieves tried to snort powder they found in an English housewife's living room, not realizing it was the ashes of her dead dog, according to a British press report on Friday.
The burglars thought they had hit the jackpot when they saw the powder marked "Charlie" -- slang for cocaine -- in a dainty ceramic pot on pet-lover Dee Blyth's mantelpiece, said the report in The Sun.
But they were unaware the pot was an urn and the "drugs" really the remains of her beloved Newfoundland Charlie, who died in 1997.
A policeman called to investigate the break-in at Chadwell Heath fell about laughing when he saw the burglars had arranged the ashes in cocaine-style lines.
"I'd love to see their faces when these thieves realize," said Blyth.
"It was horrible knowing they were in my house, but the idea of them trying to get high on a dead dog certainly made me feel a bit better.
"I didn't realize the significance until the policeman started laughing.
...besides, i'd never feed him grapes...i just wanna fuck him!!
You must register to participate in this discussion.
Goofball.com is not responsible for any content which individual users post. Goofball.com reserves the right to delete any content which it deems objectionable or in violation of any law or regulation.
Man Who Threw Feces In CA Courtroom Gets 31 Years A man who sneaked a bag of his feces into a San Diego courtroom during his home-invasion robbery trial, smeared it on his lawyer and threw it at jurors has been sentenced to 31 years in prison.
10.28.2009
Man Charged After Passing Gas Toward Cop A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer ...
09.29.2008
Woman Kills Husband With Folding Couch St Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.
08.09.2008
Two Years Ago
Man Caught Trying To Have Sex With Bicycle They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
11.19.2007
Thank You Science Researchers at Granada University in Spain said drinking beer after strenuous physical activity can be beneficial for the body. The scientists said their study found beer can help dehydrated people retain liquid better than water alone ...
11.03.2007
