Junk Mail & Phone Solicitors
By: virtualjul	Published: 10/14/2002
I received this email and wanted to share these practical solutions to common household annoyances like phone solicitors and junk mail. I think this is a good start to turning the tables. JUNK MAIL Let's help keep our postal service busy since they say e-mail is cutting into their business, and that's why they needed to increase postage again. When you get ads in your phone or utility bill, include them with the payment; let the companies throw them away. When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk like that, most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right? Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes! Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send the pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day then just send them their application back. If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can send it back empty if you want to just keep them guessing. Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting their junk back in the mail. Let's let them know what it's like to get junk mail, and the best of it is that they're paying for it... Twice! TELEPHONE SOLICITORS I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone solicitors weren't able to call people at home during dinner hour. But that doesn't make it any more pleasant. Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a telemarketing operation that would stop the nuisance for all time. The three little words are "Hold On, Please." Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of hanging up immediately would make each telemarketing call so time-consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. Why not join the rest of us on the inside and get all of Goofball.com?
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Loved the idea on the mail (0 replies) started by roger (02.19.2003 1:32:59 AM EST) On the telemarketers I've found out that the best way to handle them is immediately ask if they are a telemarketer.. by law they have to tell you. Then you tell them to take you off their list... by law they are required to do that also. Just remember if you piss them off, they have your name and number which means they can get your address too and yet you know nothing at all about them. You piss 'em off and they'll make sure your name gets to every other telemarketer they know... They all swap lists. Just protecting my sheep

an idea that came to mind: (0 replies) started by suicideking (11.05.2002 4:43:36 PM EST) instead of putting other ads and stuff in the envelope, why not put some pictures of dead babies/porn/etc in there? something to mess with the mind of the opener...just make sure your name's not on it §Üî©ìÐéK‡ñG Killers are silent

These are cool... (2 replies) started by bigdadlong (10.19.2002 4:15:14 AM EST) But I was expecting something a little more mischievous, use your imagination. When I was in Korea, and we would go to the village, we would get really tired of the hookers coming up and hanging all over us, harrassing us, and begging us to pay for short time. So we started harrassing them, trying to sell our drunks friends to them for $40. They learned who not to bother. I had more ideas like for Jehova's witness door to doors, ask them if they would like to worship Satan and go to a cult meeting and sacrifice some virgins or something. For the telemarketers, tell them your life story, then get real sad like you're gonna cry, and tell them not to hang up or you'll kill yourself. Tell them you like cookies. My man George Carlin has got a few ideas on how to keep people on their toes, especially retail clerks (whom he seems to hate for some reason). - Go into a gift store and ask for your gift -Try backing out of a drive through -Go up to a stranger and say; "Pardon me, I have nothing to say" -Try bargaining with a toll both operator, tell him you heard it's free Chevrolet day -Go into a sporting goods store, buy a gun and ammo, and then ask if they have any skimasks -Next time you're at a wishing well, ask to see the manager. Tell him you've been coming here for years and none of your wishes have come true. Either you give me my money back, or I'm shitting in the well. Well, there's lots of distracting people in our day. The good thing is, there's even more ways to mess with them.

You know ... (0 replies) started by jimmyfromqueens (10.15.2002 8:32:19 PM EST) ... that's some good shit there Jules - especially "please hold on". I have to use that one. Jimmy Queens, NYC

Some great ideas (1 reply) started by marvin (10.15.2002 10:19:49 AM EST) I must try them, thanks VJ Hey .... do you know how to keep an idiot waiting ?

Good Ideas... (0 replies)   started by oxbrain (10.14.2002 6:51:03 PM EST) Too bad it's technicaly illigal to put anything but the application in the return envelope. The phone one is great though. I usually just try to strike up a conversation with them. "It ain't imoral if it's only oral"

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