Application to live in Mississippi
Submitted By: Anonymous
Article Date: 03/19/1999
URL: http://www.goofball.com/jokes/regional/990319_mississippi_application
APPLICATION TO LIVE IN MISSISSIPPI
Name: ________________________ C.B. handle: ___________________
Address: (r.f.d. - h.c.r.)
____________________________________
Daddy (if unknown, attach list of 3 suspects): ________________
Mama: _________________________________________________________
Neck shade: ( ) light red ( ) medium red ( ) dark red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: _______
upper: _______ lower: ______
Make of pickup owned: ___________ size of tires: _____________
Number of empty beer cans on floor of pickup: ________________
Truck equipped with:
( ) gun rack ( ) mud flaps ( ) camper top ( ) air horn
( ) 8
track ( ) 4 wheel drive ( ) American flag ( ) rust
( ) fuzz buster ( ) load of wood ( ) hijack shocks ( ) mud
tires
( ) spittoon ( ) running boards ( ) C.B. antennas ( ) roll
bar
Bumper stickers:
( ) Honk if you're horny ( ) Honk if you love Jesus
( ) Almost heaven, bucksport ( ) Snatch kisses and vice
Versa
( ) Old fart ( ) I love hiney wine
( ) Shit happens ( ) Redman chewing tobacco
( ) Wood is wonderful ( ) Save the black fly
( )
Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-eat-shit
( ) All you ecological bastards can freeze in the dark
Favorite beverage:
( ) Busch ( ) Stag ( ) Old Style ( ) Falstaff
( ) Buckhorn ( ) Red white & blue ( ) Budweiser
( ) Old Milwaukee
Favorite vocalist:
( ) Elvis ( ) Conway Twitty ( ) Loretta Lynn
( ) Slim Whitman ( ) Johnny Cash ( ) Willie Nelson
( ) Dick Curtis ( ) George JJones ( ) Yourself in the
shower
Favorite recreation:
( ) square
dancing ( ) fishing with the boys
( ) drinking ( ) blue grass fest ( ) fishing alone
( ) race track ( ) floating ( ) deer hunting
( ) apple butter fest ( ) three wheeling ( ) rodeo
How many cars do you have up on blocks in your front yard?
___________
How many kitchen appliances are on your front porch? ____
how many work? __
Number of hounds: _________ type:
( ) blue tick ( ) beagle ( ) black/tan
Memberships:
( ) NRA ( ) VFW ( ) PTL club ( ) Ducks
unlimited
( ) Fish & Game club ( ) KKK ( ) Wacky Warriors ( ) Elks
Baseball Cap Emblem:
( ) John Deere ( ) Ford ( ) Skoal ( ) Sat
( ) Budweiser ( ) Chevy ( ) Bass Pro ( ) Eat Me
Are you married to any of the following? (check all that apply)
( ) sister ( ) cousin ( ) cousin's sister ( ) sow
Does your wife weight more than your pickup? ( ) yes ( ) no
Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? ( ) yes ( ) no
Do you own any shoes (not counting boots)?
If so,
how many? _____________
Length of right leg: _______________
length of left leg: ________________
Can you sign your name and spell it correctly every time? ( )
yes ( ) no
Have you ever had more than one bath a week? ( ) yes ( ) no
Are you a registered voter? ________
do you know where to do it? _______
Do you wonder if you need to file a tax return? ( ) yes ( ) no
Do you worry that your house will blow away in high winds? ( )
yes ( ) no
When was your last UFO sighting?
___________
elvis sighting? __________
Medical information (do you have at least two of the
following?):
( ) b.o. ( ) crabs ( ) head lice ( ) bad breath
( ) scabies ( ) yellow teeth ( ) green teeth ( ) fleas
( ) runny nose ( ) tattoos ( ) crossed eyes ( ) stutter
Signature (one `x' will do) ____________ dated: ___________