What If Dear Abby Was A Man
Submitted By: Verticl
Article Date: 07/02/1999
URL: http://www.goofball.com/jokes/men_women/990629_Dear_abbey
Dear Abby/Abbott:
Q: My husband-to-be still pines for his old girlfriends. I'm
afraid he will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven
to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having
a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love
for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect
of his behaviour.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior - and it should be
encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best
thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a
nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me
and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get
enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your
sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the
family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you
are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives,
buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and
don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love - we
have no time to talk.
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he
needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work
his love-making is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting
pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook
him a nice meal.
Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you
that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the
"effort" the more he loves you. Return this love by buying him
a nice, expensive present and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that
you do not love your man as much as you should - he has to work
a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area,
and make it up to him by buying him a nice expensive present,
and cooking a nice meal.