Redneck Religion
Submitted By: misspk
Article Date: 11/21/2002
URL: http://www.goofball.com/jokes/top10/INC20020401161508
You know yours is a redneck church if:
**The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
**People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two
fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
**When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the
offering," five guys and two women stand up.
**Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
**A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck
because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
**The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
**Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.
**In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in
the church directory.
**Baptism is referred to as "branding."
**There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
**Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
**High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
**People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.
**The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.
**The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from)
Billy Bob's Barbecue.
**The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.